Two-Player Love: A Memoir About Couples and Video Games

Gaming is often seen as a solitary activity, but it can actually be a great way for couples to spend time together and strengthen their relationship. It's a shared activity, so when you play games together, you're both invested in the outcome. You're working together toward a common goal, and that can be a great bonding experience.

I learned this firsthand when I dated a hardcore gamer during college. I was already a pretty solid and avid gamer myself, so gaming was a shared interest that brought us closer together. A mild attraction was made stronger watching him annihilate opponent after opponent in Dead or Alive 3 or conquer Ninja Gaiden while explaining to me the storyline, concept and core skills of the main character. I found myself not only being impressed, but admiring him more and more.

What started off as casual time between college students with surprisingly too much time on their hands, evolved into a subtle way of flirting and expressing our attraction to each other. One day, he called me into the room when no one was around to tell me he had something really special to show me. I got excited, imagining what it could be while trying to remain cool. He was playing Legend of Zelda and filling me in on the storyline and characters, as usual. Then he told me to pay attention to the screen. He had named one of the female characters after me, and their love story was unfolding on the screen. He may as well have handed me a big bouquet of pink tulips, the way I was blushing and completely smitten on the inside. It was actually one of his first expressions of “love” for me. To know that I was on his mind while gaming and that he took me seriously enough to incorporate me into his favorite game opened a new door for us.

For a while, we attempted to keep our relationship private. With a house full of roommates and an entire community of college students in your business, we wanted to keep things low key. That only lasted for so long, and mainly because of how our romance began intertwining into the games that we would play together. Gaming was initially a way for us to spend time together in a way that felt intimate to both of us but was casual enough to onlookers, or so we thought.

It started with Dead or Alive 3, which still holds a special place in my heart to this day. His character of choice was Hayabusa, and I was his biggest fan. I’d watch him for hours doing every special move possible, and pretty much being unbeatable to both human and computer competitors alike. In my eyes, he was Hayabusa. I began to attribute the greatness of the character with the object of my desire. I would pick up a controller and play like most of our other college friends, but one day, he looked me square in my eyes and told me “I’m going to train you.” I was flattered that he even felt I had potential in the game. Being more of a casual-core gamer, I didn’t consider myself an expert in any game in particular. 

I had beaten Jet Set Radio Future in high school with the help of a past boyfriend who would read from strategy guides over the phone while I would navigate more difficult levels and bosses. We were both going through a delinquent phase and skipping school on some days, so we had plenty of time to bond together through my complete obsession with my XBOX and unshakeable determination to beat the game all the way through. He took pride in being quick to find the information and translate it to me, and I cherished having him by my side (well, on the phone) and sharing the sheer joy of making it past difficult stages and beating the game.

Again, I was by far no expert in gaming so to have the best gamer I knew offer to personally train me in DOA3, I immediately took him up on his offer. This was the beginning of us using games to bold, solidify and enhance our short-lived but highly passionate relationship. He would set aside time to teach me all about my characters of choice, Tina and Hitomi. I loved Tina because of her sexiness, badass wrestling moves and just all around boss-chick aura. Hitomi was special to me because of her relationship to Hayabusa. He even gave me the confidence to play around with Lei Feng as a third character of choice. He took the time to teach me every move, teach me emotional and physical control during the fights and essentially turned me into his protege. I was pretty much unbeatable by anyone in the house except him within a few short weeks. He took pride in my every match and would show me off to everyone else in the house and all of our friends. I was his pride and joy, and gaming was his way of expressing that.

Even as we were inseparable when it came to gaming, no one was aware of our private romance at first. They suspected, but it was actually The Sims 2 on Xbox that made everyone aware of our love publicly. I was the casual-core Sims player that raved to everyone in the house about how great the game was. I rented the game from Blockbuster for a weekend and everyone was hooked on the live gameplay. Of course, my gamer beau was willing to try anything gaming related and picked up the controller to join me. He enjoyed the game so much that someone ended up buying a copy just so we can play together all the time.

Immediately, our romance began playing out on the screen. We made characters based on ourselves, moved in together, got married, even had a kid. We shared the responsibilities of Sims life and would narrate the game outloud to the delight and enjoyment of our friends. There was one particular scenario where a neighbor flirted with my character and his character got jealous. A few of our friends pointed out how close to home the game was becoming for us and pretty much started catching on to the fact that we had something going on outside the console. Once our relationship was out in the open, thanks to The Sims, we became more open with expressing our affection for each other both on and off the game. We also picked up some really great domestic and relationship skills through role playing.

I saw this dynamic play out in other relationships after. Post-college, I lived with a gamer boyfriend and pretty much spent most of my time as an observer. His Playstation was sacred in our home, and I was the supportive girlfriend who understand the heart of a gamer and never got jealous over how much time he spent with his hands wrapped around his controller. My appreciation and love for gaming created a safe space for him to enjoy his passion in peace.

We bonded over creating worlds together in Little Big Planet. We even rented The Urbz a few times and played the game from start to finish while visiting his family one weekend. Gaming was the underlying thread of our relationship and a form of mutual respect. I recall that my dad hardly had anything to say about any of my boyfriends, but I’ll always remember one phone call in particular. We were hard pressed on rent and my boyfriend decided to sell his Playstation on eBay. This was one of the hardest decisions we had to make as a couple.

I just remember my dad saying three small words “I’m proud of him.” It made such a tough decision feel a little better knowing that we had put our big kid shoes on and solved an adult problem. However, we definitely felt the void in the house with the PS gone, even though I still played The Sims on PC–another game we bonded over–even though we could only play in single-player mode.

Overall, the couple that games together, stays together. It can be a much-needed stress reducer in relationships, and a great way to unwind after a long day. When you play together, you both let go of the stresses of the day and focus on having fun together. Playing games together can also be hilarious, whether you're both new to the game and fumbling around, or experienced gamers exploring a new title for the first time. Some of my best memories will always come from sharing gaming moments with the men in my life that I also shared love and romance with.

Gaming also builds skills since gaming requires communication, whether it's strategizing together or just letting your partner know what's going on in the game. When you play together, you discover new things about your partner. You may find out that they're great at strategy games, or get really competitive. This can help you better understand and appreciate each other. I can honestly say that playing games with my partner or even observing them playing their favorite game and asking questions, brought us closer together.

So next time you’re looking for new ways to spend time together, relax, communicate, and have fun - consider turning on the XBox or PS5. Whether you're playing a cooperative game or competing against each other, gaming can be a great addition to your relationship and create lasting, bonding memories for years to come.